Heal my waters

O Lord, I’ve been waiting so long for this moment.

You know it’s the shame more than anything that hurts me so. It follows me wherever I go.

The waters of my soul were afflicted for all the world to see.

You saw me lying there, you knew I was ill, but still you asked me, “Do you want to be well?”

At first I thought, what a crazy question. Can’t you see? I’ve been lying here forever it seems.

How dare you ask me that, my Lord? Of course I want to be well.

But then I looked into your eyes. And you gazed into my soul.

And all I saw there was mercy. Infinite living love.

Then I understood why you asked me, “Do you want to be well?”

Even in my misery, your respect for me is the respect of a servant. If I wanted to remain miserable, you let me decide.

You could have healed me on the spot, made me well in an instant. But out of respect, you asked me first if I wanted to be healed.

Have I grown too comfortable with my affliction? Am I afraid to change and let go, even when it means I can be healthy and free?

Am I afraid to choose life? Am I worried what it might feel like to feel again? Have I grown fearful of love?

But your gaze gives me hope.

Your presence gives me the courage to face life, come what may.

Your voice gives me the strength to stand up again.

And the earth may tremble, the sky may grow dark, and many may fall around me — but I will stand firm.

O Lord, I’ve been waiting so long for this. You know it’s the shame that hurts me so.

Now I know why you asked me first.

It’s the deeper hurt you’ve come to heal.

You wanted me to know this and be sure.

It’s the inner sickness you cast out.

I no longer need to be ashamed.

You heal the waters of my soul. 

. . . . . . .

When Jesus saw him and knew that he had been lying there a long time, he said to him, “Do you want to be healed?”

John 5:6

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