A million times again

Closed in, trapped and choked, I’m stuck.

Too many fights on too many fronts. My back against the wall.

The mind cries out, Give up already!

I think, what’s the point? Why even struggle anymore? I’m frustrated. Tired. Lonely.

I doubt absolutely everything.

It’s a dangerous time. The devil prowls around and tempts me to burn it all down. Forget about your efforts and God’s victories – the demon whispers to me. Focus on the nothing, the darkness. Bow down and worship your despair.

The hordes of hell unleash their rage against me. My failures rise up like giants. My weakness overwhelms me. I want to run away, hide and go numb.

I strive against the hurricane.

I fall to my knees exhausted. Won’t you help me, Lord? I need you now.

And in an instant, my Savior arrives.

First, he raises his hand, showing the mark of his Kingship.

And everything goes silent.

The heavens open up to me.

Over my shoulders, my back, my weary neck, the Spirit of God pours out over this broken child.

My heart rips open. I let out a cry.

All the tragedy of this world, the lack of justice, the selfishness, the contradiction, my pain, my foolish pride, all the things I hate about myself – it all comes gushing out. 

And the Lord is there for me.

Then gently, o so gently, he cleans and mends my wounds.

He tells my soul he knows my anguish intimately. He absorbs it all into his flesh. He says if he had to die a million times again for me, he would.

But a single drop of his precious blood is enough for me forever.

And just by kneeling before God, healing happens. Hope rises up out of the desolation. Satan is dismissed.

And all the angels and all the saints sing praise to the Risen Lamb for all eternity.

I can return to life. I can fight the good fight.   

My steps are solid & sure as my Lord opens the way.

The walls of despair come crashing down.

The light of the Lord shines in me and from me.

Only by God’s goodness could this happen.

Only by his grace can I live free.

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