Here I am, O Lord. I sit in your presence. I call out your name.
Almighty Father. Lord of lords. King of kings. Spirit of truth. Giver of life. Jesus Christ my Lord.
I invoke your name and a calm comes over me. Your peace never fails. Here and now I seek synchrony with you, with your Holy Spirit.
As the world whirls around me, I resist my anxiety. I deny my desire to draw back in isolation. I leave my restless nature behind. Instead I focus, I sit still.
I open myself up to you. I open up my heart, my soul, my mind.
In past times, I did not know how or I feared this intimacy. But since then I have tasted the goodness of God.
Here, now, I come to a crossroads. At this intersection, I stop and wonder.
Have I become weary, O Lord, of seeking you? What happened to the fresh, spontaneous faith of years past? Am I entering a desert, a time of thirst?
Where are you leading me, O Lord?
I look back. I open up the archives of my faith and see your hand everywhere. From conception to birth to life to maturity, I know you never left me. I was never, ever alone.
Even in my worst moments, even when I sinned against you, Christ stood his ground for me. He did not save himself. Instead, he gave himself. The impossibility of forgiveness and new life came to me.
How could this not change my life? How could I stay the same? And from there I saw the miracle of your grace working in countless other souls. So many battles, defeats, and victories — in time, everything reveals its purpose in your promises and your plans.
But still I ask you, O Lord, after all these years, have I grown accustomed to you? Am I in danger of my faith going stale?
And the world perks up at this suggestion. “That’s my cue,” the tempter says.
The world tries to seduce me. It tells me, yes, yes, come back to us. Come back to that place of worldly pleasure and self indulgence — where your desire is all that matters. Come back to that place where you occupy the center of the universe.
But no matter how much sweetness he mixes in, the enemy can’t mask the stench of death. The remorse, the loneliness, the bitterness — none of it can be disguised after you taste true manna from heaven.
So if it’s not the pleasures of the world that tempt me, what is it then, O Lord? The world itself seems weary. Even the temptations seem worn out. The only trick left is deeper depravity, foolishness, and despair.
Are we just going through the motions, knowing the curtain must fall? Has the final act already begun? As time runs out, we scurry about trying to beat the clock.
And it feels like I’m in a cloud or maybe a dream sometimes. I can’t keep my bearings. My concentration fades.
Yet still, there is no denying you. I imagine trying to live as if God did not exist. It would only lead me to embrace resentment or solitude. Or my selfishness would swell horrifically.
But by God’s grace I find meaning. I have a fighting chance to be humble. And it’s even simpler than that. Sun, sky, water, earth… they all speak of you and praise you. And at the end of it all, your story still remains.
A man appeared on earth and said he was God — a man of great wisdom, courage, and compassion — a man so faithful that nothing could withstand his mercy. His trust in his Father was limitless. And the world changed forever on that 3rd day. And my world changed too.
I know deep down, I am still a child. Can I find freshness there again?
Did you not know, have you not heard, dear child? You are God’s beloved. You fit neatly into the palm of his hand.
You are newly born by water and the Spirit. Many before you and after you have received this gift as well.
Do not fear this stage of your faith. Remember, the Lord makes all things new. Step into this wide open space with trust. Look deeper into God’s mysteries.
Never forget the slavery from which you were rescued and be humble. Rediscover the beauty of life, the miraculous power of love.
Go forth — like a youth — explore the world. Be not afraid, child of God. You never, ever go alone.
Listen to the scriptures. Listen to the sun, sky, water, and earth… they all speak to you of your Creator.
His Spirit goes with you. His hand is upon you. Embrace the ongoing adventure of your faith. Believe and trust in the Lord your God.
. . . . . . .
Though I trusted in your mercy,Psalm 13(12):6
let my heart rejoice in your salvation.
Let me sing of the LORD,
“He has been good to me.”
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