Is it worth it?

YOU CALLED me out of the wilderness. I roamed for so long.

You told me you forgive me, cleansed, I’m new again.

Our walk began together. You showed me wondrous things.

I finally tasted peace.

I learned I could be good.

My heart sings joy. Early days delightful.

But like every story, there’s more. I carried old wounds.

Inside. Deeper.

I saw your glory, I felt your love.

But my soul needed time to heal.

I felt the hurt and I hurt others, even when I tried to help.

You know me, O Lord. You know me oh so well.

I’m afraid to see myself revealed.

Is it worth it?

To see my naked self? To see the scars and stains mixed with the beauty of creation?

Can I even bear to see myself?

And I see it in others too. So much history unresolved.

I ask myself again.

Is it worth it? It hurts so much sometimes.

Just take me to heaven now.

Why not?

My son comes to me and asks too.

Is it worth it?

And I fumble for words until this comes out.

Yes son. Of course it is.

No matter how much I love you, please don’t rush to heaven.

Even when you stumble and fall, it is worth it.

I delight to see you living life.

The struggle of your story.

The building.

The working for it.

The failure.

The comeback.

Even bitter tears,

every single one is worth it.

If you were whisked away to paradise, you would miss so much.

Deeper truths, a tested love.

These are the treasures of heaven.

I grasp a bit more then.

I take a few more steps with you Lord.

Heaven inches closer.

Still, I won’t hurry.

Bear the pain.

Savor the joy.

Every single thing is worth it.

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